Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
