I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
