Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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