Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
