well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
