I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
