If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
