is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
