You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
