Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He has the fingertips of a God
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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