So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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