be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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