Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
