just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
