yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
