My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
