hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
