Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
