All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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