never play flip cup with pint glasses
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
