after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
