This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
