I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
