I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
