at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
