I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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