Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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