Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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