you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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