hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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