I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
