Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
