He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
