i robbed the continental breakfast last night
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
