I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
