Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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