Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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