woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
