hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
