He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
