I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
