I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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