How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
