Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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