we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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