New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
