I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
