Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
