oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
