You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
