Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
