and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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